oh crap ....

So it turns out I'm prejudiced. I have spent the last two years trying to examine my own biases and unrealized priveledges as a middle-class, white, educated female who grew up in a small, conservative town, and I try so hard to be open-minded and to really think about the ways in which I might be oppressive toward others. I think about it, I've read books and articles about it, I talk about it (ad naseaum to poor Jim... sorry about that) and I thought myself pretty forward thinking. And then yesterday I went into a Patisserie and lost all composure.

So we had just attended an African Festival, learned about Egyptian drumming, took a belly-dancing lesson, and were walking back to the tube station to catch a train home. We decided to stop in a little shop for some tea/coffee and so I found a lovely little patisserie with lovely cakes, tarts, and drinks. My first clue should have been the disdainful look given to me by both of the French waitresses. But unflappable, I smiled grandly, said I would return with my friends and bounded out to find them. We all re-entered together, had a bit of a chat about whether we should sit upstairs or down, finally decided and then sat down for a nice cup of tea. Again, sharp looks, frowning faces, and quick detached movements from the waitresses both. "I'll disarm them with my charm and gracious attitude" I thought naively and didn't let their seemingly bad moods affect me.

So then it came time to pay. We all tromped downstairs (because the two waitresses seemed never to be coming 'round again) and asked for our bill. One waitress snarled at us that we would have to pay together, and so I (having only a £10 note and no change) asked for her to change my bill. She said, "NO, I do not have any change at all. Too bad." I said I only had the 10 pound note so she needed to figure it out since it was a place of business and all. We interchanged back and forth for a couple of minutes (with her offering to give me 10 pounds worth of change in pence -- which are pennies) and it was everything I could do not to scream rude things at her. My friends rushed to my aid and we worked it out, but I walked out feeling very flustered and very much that French people are bloody rude. "NO wonder the English don't like the French -- they are rude!"

So later, when I cooled off a bit I began to see how prejudice forms. A poor interchange with someone can become a way of essentializing a whole race/ethnicity/culture from one interaction. Of course all French people aren't rude, just like all Americans aren't stupid. I wish I could have kept my cool, not let the lady push my buttons. I saw that I was being prejudiced against her because I expected her to fit my expectations of service and social interaction. I saw that I could let it all boil inside me so that future interactions with people from France could be affected negatively. And for a moment, I had a tiny, microscopic understanding of what it feels like to be stereotyped and feel the effects of prejudice against my own ethnic background as well. It was not a pleasant experience. But I hopefully am a bit wiser for it.

And I still like french fries (as opposed to "freedom fries")...

sunshine

So the first few days here it was blustery and cold and all I had was a cardigan sweater (I learned a new word too -- "jumper" -- it means a big fluffy sweater that you pull over your head). But yesterday... yesterday the sun came out and it's been glorious. We had lunch in a park filled with beautiful flowers, ducks and geese, and little green wooden rowboats for which you could pay 6 quid and take a tool about the little lake. The flowers not only in this park but all around the city are so lovely. The city is filled with green parks and gardens and at this time of year something is always blooming. Funny thing is, I finally felt quite comfortable with the weather yesterday and today, but my English friends have complained about it getting a bit hot. They should come to Texas sometime!

We also had a bit of an adventure in several different places of worship. On Tuesday we went to Swaminarayan Mandir -- the largest Hindu temple outside of India. It was an amazing place and so beautiful and peaceful. You have to take your shoes off at the front door and place them in a rack, so throughout this huge temple, museum, and even the little bookshop everyone is walking around in their stockinged or bare feet. There is something equalizing about all being shoeless... Then yesterday (Thursday) we went to the London Central Mosque and learned about the Muslim faith. The guide sat with us and answered questions for two hours -- it was so fascinating to find parallels (and differences) between these two religious traditions and my own religious background.

I've got to dash off now to visit a social service agency but more later...

today i smiled ...

So it's been a lot of hustle and bustle around here. Dashing to the bus stop, speeding down the stairs, shoving into the already over-packed tube during rush hour and then as the doors shut upon me wondering, "Am I on the correct train?!?" And once on the tube, the people sitting or standing 2 centimeters from one another don't look at each other, don't talk to each other and certainly don't smile at one another. We all jostle along, some reading, some listening to music, some staring blankly into space, all breathing the same air but keeping to ourselves.

The first few days as I was walking around I would smile as I passed people, and I might even say "Hi" because at home this is modus operandi (sp??). But I noticed when I did so here, people would look at me blankly or turn away. I asked my homestay host about this and she said, "So you smile and say hello to complete strangers? Oh no, we don't often do that here -- the British are much more reserved." So wanting to fit in, I have lived the last few days keeping to myself and trying to look very non-affected by the goings on all around me. And I've been so not myself.

I like interacting with people, I like asking questions and learning about people, and I like to feel connected in some way to people. Now I do understand and respect that we all have different levels of openness, and I do so want to respect that. I don't want to be rude and intrude on someone else's private life. But being often alone in a foreign land (I know we all speak English and all, but believe me -- it's different from Austin, Texas!) I want to find SOME way to connect to the people here. I don't want to walk around all day feeling so alone and isolated.

And so last night I decided that I have to be myself. I must be respectful of course, but that doesn't mean I have to cower silently in the corner all the time. So today I got on the tube, turned on my music and tapped my toe to a bit of home (Bob Schneider). As I listened I looked around the train and saw the usual reading, music listening, staring. And then it happened. I looked through the window to the tube car in front of us where a variety of people sat. One lady with long beautifully braided dark hair was looking around as we jostled along. Through the two cars our eyes met, and so I smiled at her. And do you know what? She smiled back...

Argghhh... the LIGHT!!!

So it is daylight here.... a LOT. The daylight is lovely, and I do love daylight, but it just comes so early!! At about 9:30 pm the light begins to fade and the sunsets are divine. After a couple of hours I'm happily asleep. And then, before I know it, my eyes have popped open to the sun gleaming through the windows. Only trouble is, it's only 4 am. Oy vey. I've been able to get a lot of reading done for my class though. That's good.

Yesterday I had a lovely time at St. Margaret's (a church beside Westminster) -- after a bit of trouble finding my way there. I got out at Victoria station, planning to meet some friends, but Victoria station is HUGE (it's also a railway centre) and so, without a map I plunged out in search of Big Ben (which is across the street from Westminster). I DID find Westminster CATHEDRAL (which is not the same thing) but had to keep wandering about. Eventually I found a bus ("Excuse me please, but does this bus go to Parliament??") and got to Westminster just in time to be late for the service (in which you can get into the church -- to worship of course -- for free). So I went next door. It was lovely, and the music was by Kodaly (yippeee!!).

Later I went with a friend to St. Paul's Cathedral and heard an organ concert (and sat in the choir loft -- WOW). Let me tell you, when the organist pulls out all the stops and wails on the keyboard in St. Paul's it is CRAZY awesome. The ringing after the final chord lasts for what seems like five minutes.

More later, gotta dash to class. :) h

flexibility

Well, it's been an interesting day already! The flight was fine (though long) and I met some very nice girls on the plane who gave me some great ideas of things to do and places to see in London. And once at the student office the folks were very friendly and I have a great reference for a fish and chips place that serves "fish the size of Moby Dick" according to the bloke giving me the reference. The only trouble is, it's sooooo expensive here. I have to double the price of any item (i got a sandwich, crisps, and a soda for 3 pounds 80, which is basically 8 dollars) so I've realized I'm either going to be quite poor, or I'll get skinny. Maybe both.

I also found that the family I was to stay with had a family emergency and so my homestay has been switched to another person. Too bad too, because I really enjoyed chatting with the mom of the family, and I have gifts for the children... I'll have to find someone to give them to! "Child, child on the street walking with your mummy, do you want a lovely little bracelet, necklace, and change purse?"

All of this to say, my word for the day -- the first day here in London -- is "flexibility". I think it will probably be a word not just for today, but for every day. Tally ho-- holly :)

tomorrow...

Only a few more hours before I leave. I'm packed, know where I'm to be and when, and I've read most of the articles for my class (Roots of Social and Economic Justice). All the readings have really set me to wondering about this whole experience. After reading many of the articles I've noticed the swing back and forth between private philanthropy and government sponsered social services. I'm eager to see what's going on in London today. I already feel slightly disjointed -- part of me cannot wait to see the sights (of the touristy type) and experience the culture. Another part of me knows that learning about all the struggles for social justice that still exist even today will be a stretch out of my comfort zone. I could probably use a good stretch. Wonder what it's all going to be like...

two weeks to go

Ahhhh, last paper: done. Student finals: done. Ticket: got it. Passport: valid. Family visits: this weekend. Packed: WHAT?? And woe is me because the dollar is so weak right now, so I'm wondering just how much room I have in my suitcase for peanut butter and/or ramen noodles... As my dear mum (okay, jim's mum, but she's mine too) so aptly put it today, "Well, you'll just have to get used to the hearty English breakfast then!" And it was with a bit of wistful longing I think that she said it (being a native of Hastings herself). A hearty English breakfast -- mmmmm, can hardly wait!